Pray

Hi guys. I just wanted to write a little. My head has been in a million places the last month or more. For the last little while I've just been incredibly discouraged, and I haven't been able to put my finger on it. It seems to be a mixture of anger, dissapointment, fear and pain. I can't tell you how much my heart aches at the loss of the child that Lesley and I were going to have. I can't think about it without feeling a hole in my chest. I can't stop thinking about my family. I want to call all of you every day just to say hi and tell you all how much I love you! With Papa not doing well and with all that's happened with Uncle Mike and that whole situation, I just feel at a loss. My head and my heart just feel empty. And I figured out why I felt so empty. Its because I've been living my life for me. I'm a selfish jerk most of the time. I'm not a very good person, and I'm a very bad husband. These aren't things that I'm proud of. I want your prayers. I want to live so badly. I want my family to be strong. I want my family to be happy, and the only way for that to happen is for me to rest completely in the arms of my Jesus. I want Him so badly, I just don't really know how to get there. So please pray for me, that I would grow to know Him better, and that He would for once be real in my life, not just an emotional experience or a sidenote. That he would be my ONLY goal and my greatest desire. Thank you. And I love you all.